K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
