I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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