I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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