I should be sponsored by Trojan
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
