I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
