I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
