Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
