I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
