the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
