dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
