I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
