you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
