no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
