is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
