new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize