Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
