White coat. Heels.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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