i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
