I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
