K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
