i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
