have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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