Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
