I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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