worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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