Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
