Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
