I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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