you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
two words...techno handjob
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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