Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
