Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
