I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
