if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize