He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
