My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
