im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
