I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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