i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
