he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
