Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
