I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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