I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
