She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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