you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you bring me the toilet please
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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