Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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