Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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