Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
