Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
