i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
