Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
