Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
