Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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