Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
