About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
