New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
