Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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