Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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